Changes suck

…I mean, they do and they don’t. Just like growing up can be physically painful, so can be general life changes throughout life. Sure, our skin may not be stretching as we suddenly grow to  10cm taller, but it is a process that is uncomfortable nevertheless.

I find change daunting but oh-so-necessary; I don’t want to become complacent in any aspect of my life because I know that the minute I do, I’m fucked. It could be my relationship that I’ve let sail through and suddenly realised it needs plenty of work to get back on track, or it could be getting too comfortable with work and suddenly seeing that I am not progressing.

Change is needed to get anywhere. And we need to adapt to changes, otherwise, we’re stopping ourselves from growth. If we got as far as understanding that a change has to happen, we may as well go all the way and adapt to it, go with it, or better yet–have an inkling when it’s about to happen. 

Currently, I am adapting to changes in my work. I felt I had got too comfortable, with the mild day-to-day stresses included, and I had to just push myself out of that bubble. Feeling sorry for the situation you’re in and wallowing in it won’t get us anywhere. 

Being ready to jump into the next chapter will. 

Don’t fear change. Allow yourself the opportunities that may come with it wherever they may take you.


Memories

I don’t know if this is a creative people “thing” or a completely random occurrence but have you ever felt unsure when looking back at certain scenes and moments of your life and you can’t for the life of you figure out whether it was real,  fiction, or a dream?

I don’t know if this is something that happens because subconsciously you want to forget and your mind is doing you a favour by making the memory so muddled and filled with questions that you don’t even know what reality is anymore.

I started writing a “memories book”, where I just let my fingers lead the way on the keyboard as my mind wanders back and I am putting down what I can recall, whether it’s the reality or a dream or a bit of both. Maybe some things in life seem so unreal because we simply cannot fathom we did those things, we saw those things, or we were those people. Maybe it just seems too unreal to be real?

My memory has never been great so I definitely don’t have a great head start. I also spent a lot of my childhood in my own head, I don’t think if this is how others feel? I spent a lot of time thinking,  wondering, dreaming, reading. I think all the different stories I had in my head are intertwining with my actual memories. 

I could compare it to thinking back to a movie you once watched but you can’t remember if a particular scene was in there or are you thinking of another similar movie. Was this or that actress playing the lead role? Did they actually say this quote or am I thinking of something I’ve seen on the Internet? - it’s kind of like that. 

I think mysterious memories and vivid dreams add a touch of vibrancy to our lives, especially if you’re creative. It can be a source of inspiration, a place that gives you words, colours, unlikely stories, endings, and beginnings. Our brain is definitely making our lives more interesting and confusing at the same time.


Cycles and circles

Okay, I don’t like to wallow in self pity and sorrow because things are not quite working out how I’d like them to or I’m not getting that gig that I have been eyeing up for a while now. I don’t want to be that person who can’t just shake it off as one of the live’s temporary downs and move on. But, there is almost some sort of weird and twisted sense of submissiveness and familiarity to feelings like these. I think certain types of artist, well, just people, know what I am talking about.

It’s easy to put yourself down and not to try to pick yourself up because you think you don’t deserve it, you’re not worth it or you’re simply incapable of. It’s not easy to pull yourself out of it. What I noticed helps me is reminding myself that life just goes in cycles and circles all the time. Things slow down, your motivation and drive diminishes because you can’t see where it could take you. But, then it all picks up again, it always does. There is always something that will come eventually and it will remind you that it’s that time for that rollercoaster to go up (or down, whichever one is your preferred direction).

Trust me.

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